My dear Psyche

My Dearest Psyche,
My husband has left me. I don't think I can move on. My heart is gone. He has taken it with him. What should I do.
Near death
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Near Death,
My dear Girl, do not worry. If he truly loves you, and he does, he will return. Do what you can to show him you love him. There will be many trials, but you can and will survive. Never Give up. Your heart is still beating and he treasures it.

Your goddess of the dream,
Psyche

Dear Isis

My dear Great Mother Isis,

I am in quite a state. my brother has never liked my lover. well last night we found our selves drugged and my lover had been castrated. what should i do to help.
a  sorrowed beauty
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My dear Beauty,

I will tell you what to do, but you must follow my directions perfectly. fashion a phallus from a piece of cedar. then paste it to his genital area. I will then use my influence to fix his problem and restore your future and his manhood, and do not worry My husband Osiris will take care of your brother.

 Your Great Mother
ISIS

Dear Oracle

Are there any wiser than Socrates?

A Friend
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Dear Fiend, 


This is Athena. IS THERE ANYONE WISER THAN SOCRATES? You offend me. I gave Socrates his wisdom. Do you want to spend the rest of your meaningless existence cleaning up Cerberus droppings or feeding Medusa's hair. Remember who you are talking to before you ask such insane questions.


Salve,
the Great Warrior Maiden Athena

Dear Appius Claudius Caecus...

So, I hear you're this great Roman general or something right? Well I'm thinking about invading a neighboring territory. We've been on the rocks for a while now... Any advice?
Calculating Centurion


Listen up, Soldier.
I learned one thing and one thing only from my days at war. Listen to the damn chickens.

Apotheosis

Dear Hercules,

You’re my hero. My life’s ambition is to apotheosis. What advice can you give me. 

The next great hero

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Dear Mr. Hero,

Be careful what you wish for. Being a god is not all it’s cracked up to be. I went through Hades to get here. No literally, twice. Once as one of my twelve labors and once after I died. Being a God is boring. All I do is sit here thinking about my life, and my life was no walk in the park.  Hera hated me for no good reason. She tried to kill me on multiple occasions. Then after I got married and was finally happy, she sent madness upon me. I killed my beautiful wife and my children, the loves of my life.  The oracle of Delphi then declared that I must perform 12 incredibly dangerous labors.  So my advice is just attempt to live the best life possible, and do not get on Hera’s bad side.

Hercules

Duality

Dear Apollo

I would be greatly indebted to you if you could inform me of the activities of a certain gentlemen with whom I have the misfortune of being acquainted with. The man in question is one Edward Hyde, and I have deep misgivings about him. I do not wish to impose, but I do hope you will return my correspondence with the utmost haste.

Dr. Henry Jekyll

Dear Dr. Jekyll,

My brother asked me to take this one off his hands. He had to help the oracle study for a philosophy test. As the god of wine and insanity, he thought I’d be the god for the job. I see you suffer from duality. Appropriately I have two forms of advice for you. One, cut back on the wine and other alcoholic beverages. As the god of wine, I understand how difficult, and important, it is to cut back. Two, you need to find a way to harness your wild side. Now I can help by sending a maenad to teach you a few a few rituals to relax. Also the Oracle of Delphi will be on the UTSA campus November 5, 2010 to assist lost souls with her knowledge. Why don’t you give her a visit? She’ll be located at the Classics Cohors booth in the sombrilla. Why don’t you pick up some ambrosia while you’re there? That will let you relax for a while. 

Dionysus

Oh My...

Oracle,

 

What should I do in case of a Zombie Apocalypse? I often fret about the zombies lurking in the nearby graveyards…

 

Wannabe Helsing

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Helsing, 

You pose  a valid concern... but my sources have been watching you for a while... We know you are well on your way to causing the Zombie Apocalypse... you will survive as the Zombie Emperor... Those zombies in the graveyard are just waiting for you to take your natural place as leader.. and please remember to visit the Classics Club at Best Fest...I'm sending my beautiful Oracle of Delphi to help by sharing her wisdom...please keep your zombie friends from attacking

Apollo

Dear Reader...

Dear Reader,
I am looking for ideas regarding what to put on these websites that Classical Cohors runs! What kind of stuff would you like to read about? Any upcoming news? Announcements? Please offer your feedback to the oracle in the comment section, and the auspices will smile upon you.
~Apollo

Dear Hermes...

Apollo,

When am I going to get that great college teaching job. Do I have to wait a few months or year until the economy and state budget improves?

Should I start a new temporary or permanent career?

Searcher


Searcher,
Apollo couldn't make it in today to answer your question. Mysteriously his cattle were stolen and he's trying to retrieve them. Why bother with teaching when you could do something where you can travel? Why not be a bard? Sing, play, dance! Or maybe go into hotel management or something cool like that. If you're set on being a professor then wait it out, but try to go into a niche that has to do with writing, or maybe teach a language (like Greek!). You can't help what you love.

Dear Theseus...

I'm the youngest kid in my family and I'm considered the disappointment. How can I make my dad proud of me?

Befuddled Brother



Dear Brother,
It's pretty simple. You gotta set your sights on something seemingly unobtainable. Then daddy's like "oh son, nobody can do that". And then you go and do it and BAM! Daddy is shell-shocked, the rest of the town is like "omfg your son just did that? I thought he was stupid or something" And you'll sail triumphantly home to his waiting arms and the forgiveness he will surely throw at your feet.

Just, uh, make sure you remember to do everything you told him you'd do if you came back victorious. I forgot the change the sails on my ship and...well, it's not called the Aegean sea for nothin'.