Thursday, October 1, 2009

Dear Hephaestus...

I'm into this girl, who's really unlike any other girl I know - I think she said she's from Atlanta, or something - anyway, all the guys are after her, but she hardly notices, being way into sports instead, and won't go out with anyone who can't beat her in competition. But I'm useless at that stuff. How can I win her over?

A Slow Hippo



Hippo,

I've got to admit, I got some help from the wife on this one. Sporty girls are all about competition. They're also all about healthy eating and the newest athletic gear. So you can't beat her in a footrace? Tempt her with something else! Throw some nice new shoes on the track, or better yet, how about a granola bar? Chicks dig that stuff. Maybe it'll distract her long enough for you to bolt past and win the race, and win a date! Just make sure there's no hanky panky in sacred places during the afterparty.

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